Why should you improve self esteem in relationships?
Positive self-esteem is essential for mental health and a person’s ability to communicate well with others. Strengthening your self-esteem has a positive impact on relationship satisfaction and the emotional well-being of everyone in the family. The paradox of good self-esteem is that we need someone else to validate us as worthy.
Once we accept the importance of self-esteem for relationships and vice versa, it makes sense to make a conscious effort to build or strengthen both our own self-esteem and that of our loved one . Here are 12 tips for increasing relationship satisfaction and stability by developing positive self-esteem.
1. Be kinder towards other people
When you are kinder towards others, you start to treat and think of yourself more kindly too. And the way you treat other people is how they will start to treat you in your future. So focus on being kind to all.
You can, for example:
- Offer help when they need it.
- Listen actively when they are sharing.
- Make them feel special.
- Motivate them to pursue their dream.
- Support them when they feel broken.
- Share what has helped you during tough times.
2. Practice self-care
It’s so important to take good care of your body, mind, and soul every day, not just when you fall sick. Learning how to eat right, reduce stress, exercise regularly, and take a time-out when you need it are an integral part of self-care and can help you anti-stress, stay healthy, and be resilient.
Fulfilling basic needs can make a big difference when trying to strengthen your relationship habits, practicing self-awareness, and showing self-compassion. If you don’t satisfy your basic needs like hunger or thirst, this can act as an obstacle when fulfilling these higher tasks.
“Unmet basic needs magnify negativities and make things seem more difficult”
Hanks
3. Understand how to express insecurities in your relationship
Insecurities are those nagging thoughts that arise about past mistakes, personal flaws, and negative judgments from others. Insecurities can be frustratingly persistent, and they can interfere with close relationships. It’s unrealistic to expect people to simply disregard these insecurities.
When you start to notice that sinking feeling of insecurity following these things:
- Take stock of your value
- Build your self-esteem
- Keep your independence
- Trust in yourself
4. Show self-compassion
Once you’ve become aware of how you express your insecurities, it’s necessary to continue to work out self-awareness and recognize moments when you’re letting your insecurities shine through. In these moments, self-compassion plays a vital role.
“Self-compassion is that controlled response through which we accept our insecurities and work through them.”
Self–esteem requires you to compare yourself to others: to feel that you’re “better” than other people in different circumstances. On the other hand, self–compassion requires no comparison to others, but rather involves being understanding toward yourself even at failure and difficult situations.
5. Learn to Say No
Individuals with low self-esteem often struggle to stand up for themselves or assert boundaries.
A helpful technique that can enable you to say no with greater ease is to gain clarity around the kinds of things to which you want to say yes. Make a list of your three major priorities (and understand that they may change). Post these priorities where you will see them all the time: your bathroom mirror, your bedroom’s wall, your laptop. When someone asks something of you, check to see if it will serve any of the things you clarified you wanted to invest your time and energy toward. If the answer is yes, feel free to answer the inquiry assertively. If it is not in line with your objectives, say no without any hesitation.
6. Stay away from the comparison trap
When you compare your life, yourself, and what you have to other people’s lives and what they have then it will harm your life because you can hardly win.
Remember, there are always people ahead of you. Compare yourself to yourself, focus on yourself and how you can improve yourself. This will both inspire you and improve your self-esteem.
7. Avoid criticizing, blaming, and shaming.
Excessive amounts of criticism and judgment are the key reasons for unhealthy relationships. Persistent criticism, judgment, and blaming cause feelings of shame. Too much shame results in low self-esteem, and it causes feelings of being flawed.
It is important to differentiate shame from guilt. These may result from making a mistake or doing something wrong. John Bradshaw claims the difference as a guilty feeling means “I did something wrong” while shame feelings mean “There’s something wrong with me” (Bradshaw, 1996). While guilt motivates corrective actions, shame tends to result in feelings of inadequacy and, consequently, low self-esteem.
Steps to avoid criticizing and blaming your partner:
- Don’t build a case
- Calm yourself down
- Reflect on your patterns
- Have compassion
- Be open to feedback
8. Accept the other person as they are
Accepting the other person’s basic personality includes acceptance of the traits that you adore and those that you don’t.
The fundamental “big five” personality traits are:
- Openness to new experiences (vs. preference for the familiar/safe),
- Conscientiousness (vs. carelessness),
- Extroversion (vs. introversion),
- Agreeableness (vs. argumentativeness),
- Neuroticism (vs. emotional stability)
These traits would hardly change much during a lifetime, although one can modify their habit with some effort. Criticizing or judging another person’s habit and behavior as it relates to these traits is pointless and has negative consequences only.
9. Offer genuine praise
Speaking genuine words of appreciation is one of the six significant ways that we express love for other people. This demonstration has a positive impact on confidence, especially when the applause is about general qualities, as opposed to explicit achievements. Kind words of encouragement, like “I admire your incredible creativity and boundless imagination” or “Your thoughtfulness towards others brings me a sense of relief and lightness,” have the power to elevate our self-worth and make us feel genuinely appreciated.
10. Accept mistakes as part of humanity
When children are raised in a culture of perfectionism, there is constant fear, and they avoid making mistakes. The family norm becomes striving for perfection and surpassing others. If you grew up in a perfectionistic family, you might believe that you must always carefully manage the impression you make on others. The question that often arises is, “How will our actions be perceived by others?” This unrealistic goal leads to deep despair. It prepares you for an impossible task because human beings are imperfect. To be truly human and authentic, you have to recognize that no one is perfect.
Being in a meaningful relationship with someone can offer opportunities for personal growth. The way they communicate with each other can have a positive or negative impact on self-esteem for each of them.
11. Be physically healthy
It is much easier to feel good about yourself when you are fit and healthy. However, people with low self-esteem often neglect themselves because they do not feel that they “deserve” to be treated.
Try to exercise more, eat well and get enough sleep. It is also a good idea to take the time to relax and do something you want to do, rather than something someone else wants you to do. You may find that simple changes like this can make a big difference in your overall perspective.
12. Accept the challenges
People with low self-esteem often avoid obstacles and difficult situations.
One way to improve your self-esteem can be to take up a challenge. That doesn’t mean you have to do it all yourself (part of the challenge may be asking for help when you need it), but be prepared to try something you know is difficult to accomplish. By succeeding, you show yourself what you can achieve. This challenges your negative beliefs and therefore improves your self-esteem.
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